The Hardest Part

Two summers ago, I missed the whole show season after my mare and I had a wreck on XC at our first clinic. It sucked and I spent more time on painkillers than I have in the rest of my life combined. I was antsy and full of nervous energy and bored stiff, but it was so much easier than this is.

I was the one hurting.

I had an end date.

I had a happy, healthy horse.

I had a goal.

Seems so long ago

Now? I can't even express in words how much it has sucked to watch Cuna going through this process. To see him in pain and know I can't help. To curtail everything he likes without being able to explain why. To watch my vivacious goofball reduced to gimping around his dry lot.

The bravest horse

There isn't an end in sight. There isn't a good explanation for what's going on. I understand bits of pieces of it, but the big picture doesn't make sense. I lay awake at night and obsess over it, but I can't change it and I can't fix it. I can't say I've fixed it and I don't know when he'll be back and at what capacity.

It's an emotional roller coaster, for sure.

Goodbye sexy dressage body

I talked to our vet again yesterday to see if he had any ideas to help us along this process. Cuna's diet got a few more changes. His layoff is even longer. I made an intensive chart tracking his progress, feed changes, management practices, and interaction with professionals.

I count little victories. My heart just melts when he whinnies at me for his breakfast in the morning. I have to laugh at his rigid adherence to his routine--he meets me at the gate when his 20 minutes of turnout are up and just about picks his front feet up for the hoof dressing.

I want to actively make things better for him. The hardest thing is just to watch him be uncomfortable and not be able to change anything for him.

At the Track

I've spent my entire horsey career hanging around the show world. Dressage, jumpers, eventers, the occasional arab or breed event. RedHeadLins works on the racetrack near me, and I thought it was high time I figure out that one strange bit of the horse world in which people appear to be able to make a living.

Quarter horse race

I came with a couple of friends the first night. We watched the horses in the paddock, then tried a couple of different positions to watch the races. The stands, the rail by the gate, the rail by the finish. All were fun. I've never spent time watching live racing before, and I was surprised by the intensity of the atmosphere, especially as the horses came galloping down to the finish. 





I don't bet money because I have the worst luck in the world, but some people seem to enjoy that sort of thing too. I figure if I'm going to blow $5, I'd just rather end up with a margarita. It's a known quantity.

One of the racehorses

Then RedHeadLins offered to show us around the backside. Omg. Yay! Off we went. We got to meet her string of horses in their stalls and watch them watch the races.

They were remarkably composed about the whole thing. For some reason, I thought they'd be more amped up, but they just munched on dinner and visited with us.

View from the backside

We also got to watch a race from the back side. It was pretty hilarious to hear the commentary the jockeys have going when they think no one can hear them. We tried our best to be non awkward and stay out of the way, but I loved being around the horses and seeing what it was like. It was also incredibly strange to not be working in the barn, but I'm sure I wouldn't have been any help.

We watched a horse get ready and went up to watch her race. It was pretty exciting, but she didn't end up winning.







After that, I managed to convince the cool track people that I could come out and watch the horses work in the morning later that week.Again, it was a really cool experience. I got to go in the stalls and help brush them to get ready. After watching some gleaming specimens go by on their way to work, I was determined that not a single spot of dust would be left on the horse I was with. After all, I'm a show groom. I can do this.

But he was clean!

I stood back to admire my work and my guide said, "You have to be faster. We need to keep them moving."

Oops.

I picked up the pace, though I'm still nowhere near fast enough to blend in with the legit race people.


I also got out of the stalls and watched from the rail. There were quite a mix of people working. Some horses got ponied all the way to the track, while others walked on a loose rein. Gallop girls, exercise riders, jockeys, pony riders, and trainers were all around.

Headed out to work

Particularly impressive was the commentary that the experienced riders gave when they came back to the barn. They were so in tune with the horses that they would mention problem physical areas that they thought the horse might need help with.

Brakes!

After the horses worked, they were given a drink and put on the hot walker by experienced handlers. I was warned that some impressive antics happen there on occasion, so I steered clear. That day, the horses were more interested in making the walker stop and wait for them.

All in all, it was a super cool experience. I'm hoping to spend some more time there this summer and get to know the world a little bit. I have no desire to gallop baby racehorses, but I love the shedrow of gleaming horses and the power and speed of the track.

Can't wait to go back.

Be Positive

Things are going. Cuna was doing really, really well. He was to the point that I was thinking he'd come off the bute early and we might be in the saddle by this weekend.

Then he wasn't.

A little stiff, a little off. Then more stiff and definitely off. Still a thousand times better than pre-vet appointment, but not good. We made some diet/management changes. Today he is back to bilaterally uncomfortable, but not in pain and not noticeably more lame on one leg or the other.

Sigh.

It's actually an improvement over yesterday, which was not good. It's all an improvement over last week, which was horrific. I know it's horses and things happen and setbacks are to be expected, but when you're an abject overachiever who obsesses over details, it's hard to stomach.

I'm trying to be positive. He is better than he was. He's interested in life, expressive when grooming, and enjoying his turnout time. He can walk. He's bright and perky and calls to me in the morning. He's back to pretending to be a grumpy bastard all the time, which is hilarious.


In the interest of remaining positive, I got Cuna a new bridle (of course). I loved every detail, which usually means it will look shockingly bad on him. It came yesterday and Ellie took a couple of pictures on her phone of him wearing it today.

I wasn't sure at first, since it's pretty busy, but I think I kind of love it. It's a Mark Todd anatomical bridle with fancy stitching, a padded monocrown, fancy ass crank, removeable flash, and buckles everywhere.

Oh, and super flexible rubber reins with fancy raised fronts.











Given Cuna's cute markings, slightly dishy face, big brown eyes, and poofy forelock, he usually can't do busy.


This time, I think it works. It might be his look. I think I've finally found the compromise between the big padded things I love, and the refined look that suits his handsome face.

Plus obsessing over bridle fit (and how much I want to spend time conditioning and fiddling with the leather) is keeping me from obsessing over soundness.

He does look better. He is getting better. He will come back.

Those jumps aren't going to jump themselves.

Happy

It's hard to be humble when my horse is just so much cuter than all the other horses on the planet. Seriously.

He's doing great--he's more comfortable and happy and himself every day. The barn owners are no longer having fits about how horrible he looks. Instead, they comment on how fast he's come around and how funny he is.

Given that I feel like I can finally breathe again and that Ellie is still in town, we decided to go ahead with an impromptu photo shoot. We're not back to riding yet, so we had to explore what we could do with minimal prep and a cool new location.

Exploring his pasture

Doing turnout all by his onesies

Glamour shot

Hanging out

Snuggles

So cute we can't stand it

This is right before he pushed me off the fence

Liberty shots

Together

I absolutely love how they came out. I really feel like Ellie captured the mood of our situation right now--I'm just grateful for every single day. The fact that Cuna is weight bearing on both front feet, that he walks around with his nose out like a camel, and that his glowing color is back, are all little victories that I relish.

He doesn't even look like the same horse we took to the vet anymore. I almost have my grumpy old man horse back.

Update Update!!!

I generally don't blog on the weekends a lot, just because I'm busy horsing around, but OMG, HOUSTON WE HAVE PROGRESS!!!

Yesterday, Cuna looked horrible. He was still in pain and he didn't eat because he felt bad. Of course I'd opted for feed through bute, because he's such a great eater in general. I stressed about it for about an hour, then called the closest person I knew who could give IV shots.

One dose of bute later, he started perking up. He cleaned up his hay and even nickered to the barn owner for more food. Phew. I started feeling better.

Enter today. I showed up at the barn to feed grain and he whinnied to me!!! So cute. He walked around his dry lot looking almost sound. His ears were pricked and he was finally interested in what was going on around him again.

Turnout!

I took advantage of the morning cool and quiet and let Cuna out in the pasture just behind his drylot. I knew his feet might get a little wet from dew, but I thought his dry lot was enough to let him dry out again. I also pulled his hind wraps off since he's finally actually moving. 

At first, he wasn't sure what to do. He stood by me. I walked to the fence.

He ambled around, head down as he sniffed and got the lay of the land.

Feels so good

I was a little concerned that he's go all "Classic Cuna" on me and stand by the gate while refusing to graze. After all, he wasn't leaving the dirt.

Not to worry! He dropped right down and rolled, the first time I've seen that behavior in weeks.

The shiny man!

Next he wandered around the pasture, checking things out while nibbling here and there. I snapped pictures madly. I can't even express how happy I am to see him moving and alert and acting like his old self again.

He reached the far end of the (quite large) pasture, then turned and softly cantered back. He wasn't racing or anxious or even very lame. He was just enjoying himself and his surroundings.




I think we can safely say the old man horse is on the mend.

Cuna Update

Well, we're back from the vet. Cuna has been off the bute all week so that it couldn't mask anything when he went in to see the vet. I know it had to happen, but he was completely miserable and unable to get comfortable. I barely slept and he's lost weight. Wish I lost weight--the stress diet (ALL THE CARBS) probably isn't helping anything.

Yesterday morning, I enlisted our longtime photographer Ellie to come to the vet with me for moral support. We hooked up the trailer and I pulled it to the front of his stall. He hobbled in because he is a really, really good boy, but he could barely walk. Once in, he actually protested a little that he was going to have to go alone, but he didn't feel good enough to keep it up.

Once we arrived and checked in, I backed him off the trailer and just waited. He didn't want to move and I didn't want to make him. Our farrier came over and said hello, then the vet came by.

I'm used to watching lameness exams--the vet tech jogs the horse out on a straight line, then does circles either way. If it's subtle, they then to flexions and move on to blocking to find more specific information.

Not so with Cuna. The vet talked to us a little. The tech took his lead rope, and could barely get him to walk. We moved on to taking his digital pulse (rapid) and checking his feet (hot). Poor Cuna did everything he could do to keep movement to a minimum. He rested his front feet as much as possible and did anything to avoid putting weight on his right front especially. Next step was xrays. 

Thankfully, Cuna is still the best horse ever and he was led into radiology with no drama. He stood perfectly still and they get excellent pictures. We discovered that he has excellent sole depth and his coffin bones had zero rotation, which mostly rules out a navicular/laminitis scenario.

The vet asked my farrier a series of questions about his shoeing, as far as what he's working on correcting and how Cuna has responded. They pulled in another senior, well-respected farrier and consulted over hoof testers. Cuna was as good as he could be, but he was shaking.

They stated by pulled his shoes. Cuna fidgeted constantly, unable to stand in a way that didn't hurt. After many careful fittings and lots of input from both farriers and the vet, my farrier went to work. He had to do Cuna's right front first, because he wasn't able to hold weight on it for more than a few seconds at a time.

Cuna visibly relaxed after the new shoe was on. He was able to stand on his right front and allow our farrier to work on his left. He started licking and chewing when the second shoe went on.

Interested in the world

As our farrier got ready to add the finishing touches, I took the first picture of Cuna that I've taken in a week. He's been so miserable that all I could think was, "I don't want to remember him this way." Finally, his demeanor changed.

Check it out

It's not the end of the road, not yet. After they put his new shoes on, the vet came and walked him up and down the aisle and did shallow serpentine loops. Cuna was still hobbling, but the vet pronounced him, "Better than I thought he would be". When I asked why he thought that, he explained that Cuna's got a lot of heat and inflammation in the soft tissue in his feet right now. His soles are tender from having pads on. He's going to take time to recover, but he's walking more freely and able to make tight turns now.

He's also weighting both front feet, which is a huge step forward.

So much perkier

After some final touches, Cuna was ready to go home. He was already beginning to express himself again. He was sick of me hanging all over him and it was lunch time.

Team Cuna at work, minus me and the vet

He isn't sound, but he looks significantly better. I was really glad Ellie was able to make time for us. Because she was there to help and stay with Cuna, I was able to follow the vet and farrier around and ask lots of questions. I feel like I have a better understanding of what we did and why and I'll be more able to monitor him through the recovery process.

Mischief face is on

Due to the timing of the barn remodel at our trainer's place, Cuna is spending the next two weeks recovering at a friend's place in a lovely giant stall with huge pastures that he may or may not be able to use (we have to keep him SUPER DRY so his feet can toughen up). Regardless, the old man is much happier and I hope to see continued improvement in the weeks to come.

Sad Day

Happier times

The old man horse is not doing well. His on/offness has turned into entirely offness, even with the snot drugged out of him. We're scheduling a visit with the nearest vet hospital ASAP, but I do appreciate your thoughts, prayers, and pagan sacrifices. 

Suffice to say, this has not been the best week ever. 

On the Ground

We're taking things slow, but that's just an opportunity to spend some time developing my eyes from the ground. When I'm back in the tack, I hope to be more prepared and ready than when we started this little break.

Last night, Cuna and I set fences for another boarder and her horse. It was pretty fun. Not only is her horse a giant barbie (17h palomino, say what?), but he's super cute and honest and she is an excellent rider.

I got to practice walking distances, evaluating each performance, and reviewing verbally with our friend.

Cuna got to practice making bored and/or cranky faces while making snide comments about the relative usefulness of barbie horses.

What can I say? When you're 18, you can be grumpy too.

Not impressed by teeny jumps.

He is looking magnificent. His coat is it's rich summer red and his neck is amazing. We're still fighting with random hair loss/stocking up in the early summer warm, but I sort of think that's just a red tb thing. We'll survive.

As much as I want to be back in the saddle, I am enjoying this perspective. I don't get to watch a lot as a general rule and people are very receptive to having eyes/hands on the ground when jumping.

Who else is having fun out of the saddle?

Life of a Cuna

We aren't doing much exciting unless you count turnout.


Obviously, Cuna does not count turnout. This is what he does. Well, he doesn't drink the whole time, but usually he just stands at the gate and flips his head. Doesn't matter if he has acres of grass to roam or a buddy or a drylot.

At least he's cute. 

Very, very cute.











Also cute? Meet Ms Song. She belongs to another boarder who had an accident and won't be able to ride for a few weeks.

I'm stealing all the rides I can get. She's absolutely the opposite of Cuna, so she's very, very challenging for me, but she is a super cool horse and I am enjoying the opportunity to learn from her.

That said, I want Cuna back PRONTO. He is best.

Never Take for Granted...

Not without precedent

I thought we'd pinned down Cuna's on/off-ness, but on Wednesday he was not doing well.

I came out Thusday after work. It was hot enough that changing into stretchy pants didn't sound like  fun, but cool enough that I did want to check and see how he was feeling. I pulled his wraps off, threw a bridle on, grabbed my helmet and hopped on bareback.

Or at least, I tried to.

My leg was halfway over his back when the turnout horse galloped STRAIGHT AT US and the wind picked up. Cuna took off leaping and bucking through the barn area. I stayed semi-on for about three jumps and was unceremoniously deposited in gravel right in front of some guys doing work on the barn. Cuna made a few more leaps, then stopped to eat grass.

Guess I sort of deserved that.

I walked up to Cuna and caught him after convincing him that I hadn't, in fact, fallen from the sky and it was ok to let me close. Of course everyone in the immediate barn area had seen him rocketing around and they all came running because it was sooooo not a Cuna thing to do.

I was deemed "too unwell to jog" so my trainer jogged Cuna out. He looked oddles better than Wednesday (ya think?), but still not sound. She handed him back to me as I spit dirt and sand out.

"He's old and smart enough that he didn't learn anything from this, right?" I asked.

"Yep," said my trainer.

"Good. I still don't want to change and put tack on."

The rascally rapscallion!

We made a plan to move forward with and I fed Cuna cookies.

Yes folks, I just got bucked off my lame geriatric horse.